Disposable Marriage

Date nights… Date nights here at the Banks Ranch are very few and a million miles in between. But that’s the life of a “big” family. So when an opportunity presents itself, we go for it. A few weeks ago was one of those days. Thank God. Seriously, I LOVE date nights. I love being with my wife and spending time with her without interruptions. You parents know what I’m talking about. “Mom, hey mom, Dad, daddy, hey dad, DAAADDD!” You guys that don’t have kids and don’t date your wives; you’re idiots. And that’s my professional opinion.

Well, we ended up eating Hibachi with two of our closest friends and then off to the movies. I had no idea what to expect out of this movie because I hadn’t even seen the trailer, and had no clue who was even staring in it. Wow… Five minutes in and we were way out of our element!
It. Was. Raunchy.
I wish we would’ve left but we stuck it out.
I wanted to leave! (Don’t judge me. Get the plank out of your own eye and we can talk about the speck in mine!)
So there we were hunched down in our seats looking around hoping no one recognized us while looking at the floor for a good majority of the movie. Adding insult to injury the theater was absolutely packed. Ugh. I couldn’t help but look around and see what we’ve come to as a society. Don’t roll your eyes and think we’re killjoys or prudes.
We’re not.
And I’m not one of those Christians who believes playing heavy metal songs backwards reveals chants to Satan. But this movie unabashedly undermined the sanctity of marriage, celebrated infidelity, and made an absolute mockery of wedding vows AND parenting. This flick was putting out some seriously unbiblical messages concerning marriage and had a not-so-subtle anti-faith message.

The Bible says that faith comes by hearing the Word of God.

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ. Romans 10:17

If faith comes by hearing the word of God then the opposite must also be true. If we’re constantly bombarded with an anti-faith message it wears us down. Especially concerning marriage. It causes us to doubt God, to doubt our spouse, and it stirs up jealously. A line in the movie from the lead actress has stuck in my mind since. She was lamenting the fact she was married young and “missed all of her twenties.” She was justifying her desire for adultery because she’d missed the dating scene by being married at 20. So why’d this stick in my mind? Jill was 20 when we were married and so was Jill’s best friend. I’m looking around at the theater patrons while they’re cheering and rooting for the “other man” to prevail and win over this conflicted wife. And I’m thinking, “how many women in this theater wish they were sleeping with this young good looking Latino?” This is the attitude of marriage these days. When things are difficult it’s just easier to give up on your spouse and your marriage and move on to someone else.

I wish everyone would look at marriage, or any relationship for that matter, and ask where the problem is. Is the problem really the other person or is it with our self? I read a statistic saying fifty percent of first marriages and sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce. So maybe, just maybe, all the problems people think are their spouse’s fault are actually problems with themselves? Then they give up on their spouse and carry all those issues into their new marriages.

I’ll admit it… Jill and I missed a lot by being married young.
We missed opportunities for heartbreak.
We missed opportunities to compromise our purity.
We missed the heartache that comes when you’re being lead by your head and not Holy Spirit.
I think about all the wonderful things we would’ve missed had we not have gotten married young and it saddens me. We would’ve missed the opportunity to grow up together and know each other on a level of intimacy most people will never know because they just give up too soon. We were married five years before we had our first child and we learned a lot about life. Just like any relationship we’ve had our ups and downs and moments of despair but we’ve stuck it out because we choose to love each other and honor our vows. There were times the enemy came and yelled untrue things in our ear, but we chose to be different and beat the statistics.

Marriage wasn’t designed to be disposable. Marriage was designed by our creator God as a life long commitment to bring glory and honor to Him. Our job, as a married couple, is to point people to Christ and raise our children in a Godly home with two parents who deeply and very passionately love each other, extend and show grace, care for, and put each others needs ahead of their own.
I love my wife.
I’ll defend her and care for her until my last breath.
Husbands, set out to love your wife like Christ loves the church.
Wives, honor your husband.
When you truly love your spouse, your love doesn’t hinge on emotions.
It’s grounded in a fierce and exclusive devotion to the one you love.

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