Aborting Politics

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Sometime in the past, the majority of Christians, for the most part, stopped building the Kingdom of God and started fighting a culture war. Seeking godly ends through worldly means. They’ve become more obsessed with legislating their version of morality than sharing the love and grace of Jesus Christ, and the world (and church) suffers for it.

Abortion is the symptom of a greater disease.
A disease not just born from this world of sin, but one that plagues the Church.
A disease that drags a sacred institution down into the filth it’s called to rise above.

If abortion could be eliminated, outlawed, or criminalized by enacting the right law or electing the right person, it would’ve been done a long time ago.
Both Republican and Democrat parties are dismal failures when it comes to upholding life.
I challenge you to look past the hold politics may have on you, step out of partisan politics, and look at the facts.

In 1973 the SCOTUS overwhelmingly voted to legalize abortion with a 7 to 2 vote. Five of the seven votes to legalize abortion were appointed by Republican presidents.

In 1993 with Planned Parenthood v. Casey, there were eight Republican-appointed Justices and one Democrat-appointed Justice. The court affirmed the basic ruling that the state is prohibited from banning most abortions. Scholars said this was the case that most likely would’ve been the catalyst for overturning Roe v. Wade. But alas, another failure on behalf of “conservative” appointed judges.
Reagan/Bush appointed Justices O’Connor, Kennedy, and Souter formed a plurality upholding Roe v. Wade.

During George W. Bush’s administration, the Republicans controlled all three branches of government. The Bush administration could have ended abortion with a heavy hand. Don’t be naive enough to think the Democrats would have stood in their way.
Remember we’re stepping out of partisan politics…
Let me remind you of the wars, agencies, and countless orders the Bush administration implemented without resistance. Under the Bush administration, Planned Parenthood received over $2 BILLION, maybe more, in funding. 
UNDER BUSH, FEDERAL FUNDING FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD INCREASED.
EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.
Just slightly more than it did under the Clinton administration!

During the first two years of the Trump administration, the Republicans controlled all three branches of government. Trump signed into law (with overwhelming Republican support) H.R. 6157 allowing research on aborted baby parts and fully funding Planned Parenthood (the largest abortion provider in the world) to the tune of HALF A BILLION DOLLARS.

There’s no excuse. Whatever supposed reason he signed the bill, was it worth a child’s life?

Easy answer: NO. Every federal dollar (your money) given to Planned Parenthood allows them to spend a non-federal dollar on abortion. Why is it that these horrible things are stuck into these bills and our champions of life and liberty are “forced” to vote yea? It would make a thinking person question the whole process and the validity of their claims. 

Culture wars and politics are a distraction from our assignment as imitators of Christ.
Satan offered Jesus Christ the kingdoms of this world because he owns the lease to them. Our fight isn’t against flesh and blood, our weapons are not carnal.
Morality can only come from a heart change, and true heart change only comes from an encounter with Jesus Christ.
We’re called to be ambassadors for Christ on this earth, not politicking activists placing our faith in a broken worldly system while cheerleading for politicians.
There’s a reason Satan promised Jesus Christ the kingdoms of this world if He’d worship him.
Abortion is just another symptom of a disease whose only cure is Jesus Christ.

Jason Banks is a Worship Pastor in Ashland, KY. He earned some degrees, owns a business, and loves his beautiful wife and four children.
©2018 http://www.theoriginalbanksy.com

 

 

The Joker and the Thief

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safe_imageI have to begin with these caveats because I believe our society has lost the ability to participate in civil and honest discussion. If your first reaction is to lash out at me, then you obviously don’t know my heart. I love all people regardless of their political standing or theological belief. People are allowed to disagree without resentment.

  • I am not a Democrat.
  • I am not a Republican.
  • I’m speaking here for Jason Banks. Not King’s Way Church, my pastor, my ministry, my family, or any other person or professional organization I’m affiliated with.

 

What is happening in New York is an absolutely horrendous act. It’s despicable and will be nothing short of legalized murder. But I wonder how long the pro-life movement will be played as fools by the Republican Party? Every election cycle the Republican candidates give the movement just enough to chew on to keep them coming back and voting for the same tired and broken promises.
The Republican Party isn’t the party of life.

Step out of partisan politics for just a moment and look objectively at the hard facts. If you do, I assure you you’ll see you’ve been duped and played for a fool. I know, because I was.

We can start with the most recent and work our way backwards. During the first two years of the Trump administration the Republicans controlled all three branches of government. When presented with the bill that fully funded Planned Parenthood (the largest abortion provider in the world) to the tune of HALF A BILLION DOLLARS, what did Trump do?
He signed it into law.
I’ve heard every argument imaginable for this. But it really comes down to this: Whatever supposed reason he signed the bill, was it worth a child’s life?
Easy answer: NO.
Every federal dollar (your money) given to Planned Parenthood allows them to spend a non-federal dollar on abortion.

During George W. Bush’s administration the Republicans again controlled all three branches of government. The Bush administration could’ve ended abortion with a heavy hand. And if you’re naive enough to think the Democrats would’ve stood in their way then let me remind you of the wars, agencies, and countless orders the Bush administration implemented without resistance. Under the Bush administration Planned Parenthood received over $2 BILLION, maybe more, in funding. 
UNDER BUSH, FEDERAL FUNDING FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD INCREASED.
 EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.
Just slightly more than it did under the Clinton administration.

In 1993 with Planned Parenthood v. Casey, there were eight Republican appointed Justices and one Democrat appointed Justice. The court affirmed the basic ruling that the state is prohibited from banning most abortions. This was a case that most likely could’ve been the catalyst for overturning Roe v. Wade. But alas, another failure on behalf of “conservative” appointed judges.
Reagan/Bush appointed Justices O’Connor, Kennedy, and Souter formed a plurality upholding Roe v. Wade. 

With Roe v. Wade in 1973 the SCOTUS voted overwhelmingly to legalize abortion with a 7 to 2 vote. Of the seven who voted to legalize the slaughter of unborn children, five were appointed by Republican presidents.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Five of the seven votes to legalize abortion were from Republican appointed Justices.

So what would Republicans run on if abortion was illegal?
How would they ever win an election?
If you ignore the rhetoric and look at actual facts, the two parties are almost identical.
I’d be shocked if abortion is ever outlawed.
Besides, you can’t legislate morality.
Morality can only come from a heart change, and true heart change only comes from an encounter with Jesus Christ. We’re called to be ambassadors for Christ on this earth. He hasn’t called us to be politicking activists placing our faith in a broken worldly system. There’s a reason Satan promised Jesus Christ the kingdoms of this world if He’d worship him.

Jason Banks is a Worship Pastor in Ashland, KY. He earned some degrees, owns a business, and loves his beautiful wife and four children.
©2018 http://www.theoriginalbanksy.com

 

Lauren Daigle Isn’t A Whore.

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I don’t know Lauren Daigle or her heart for God. And here’s the kicker: NEITHER DO YOU!

But she’s the latest casualty along with Joel Osteen, Steven Furtick, Prosperity Preachers, Grace Preachers, Word Of Faith Preachers, and so many others by Christian Keyboard Warriors.

Why is it that you, in a public forum, feel it’s your job to shout the sins (or doctrinal disagreements you have) about other Christians on social media for the world to see? You look like an absolute fool to anyone outside of Christianity. And you make Christianity look as appealing as a colonoscopy.

Let me be completely clear at what I’m saying here. It’s not your job to “call out” by name any other Christian in the public arena. Period. No exceptions. It’s not scriptural and it’s damaging to the church.

I question your motives and your endgame. You’re puffing out your chest in unadulterated pride to build yourself up at the expense of a brother or sister. Proving you’re correct is never more important than building someone up. And you’re also playing judge and jury. Thank God for His grace!

Screaming about other people’s interpretation of scripture or their sin isn’t okay. Neither is taking someone’s statement out of context and crucifying their character. And isn’t it funny how you’ll scream the loudest about the things YOU don’t struggle with?

Don’t try to justify your behavior, it’s completely fruitless. We’re not their judge. We’re not the Holy Ghost. Do you think so little of the Holy Ghost that you think you can convict better than He can?

Wouldn’t it be more productive to take that same passion and zeal and share the actual Gospel of Christ?

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. Matthew 18:15-16

The opinions of this blog are mine and mine alone. It doesn’t necessarily reflect the views of the church where I serve, the pastoral staff, my family, our golden doodle, or my first grade teacher. I earned a secular degree from a state college so you’re probably smarter than me. If you disagree with me that’s fine. I’m a big boy and I’m able to have cordial conversation with you. 

Five Things a Husband Can Do To Jumpstart His Marriage

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Maybe you think there’s no hope for your marriage.

Maybe you think it’s too late and there’s nothing you can do.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

In fact, that’s what the enemy wants you to think.

Start today!

Don’t wallow in the past.

You can’t go back and start again, but you can start over today!

Be a man of integrity and show her how much you love her through your actions.

Remember, you’re not alone.

Every couple experiences hurt, pain, heartbreak, and feelings of despair.

Put your trust in God and take the necessary steps to make your marriage what God wants it to be.

He wants you to experience deep joy and commitment while glorifying Him.

If you’re not tending to your wife’s needs, both spiritual and physical, you’re doing her and your marriage an absolute disservice.

Marriage is a full time, life long, and holy commitment.

Here are a few ideas to get you started in the right direction. This isn’t a comprehensive list and it’s not in any particular order. But it’s a great starting point!

1. Love your wife like Christ loves the church. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” You should love her fiercely, without abandonment or conditions. If you begin to love your wife like Christ loves us, everything else will begin to fall in place.

2. You need to be the spiritual leader of your home. You both need to hear from God, but YOU are ordained to be the head of your household. “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” Ephesians 5:23

3. Pray for her everyday. Pray for her every chance you get. Ask her what her specific needs are, and what she’s believing God for. Pray often and out loud together too.

4. She needs to be exclusive. Honor her. Never put someone else’s needs above her needs. Besides Jesus, no one (or thing) on this earth should ever receive greater attention, care, or adoration than your wife. And you should not only be her husband, you should also be her best friend. Never compare your wife to another woman or fantasize what it would be like to be with someone else. Here’s a sobering thought… Jesus said if you even look at another woman you’ve committed adultery in your heart. If you’re viewing pornography stop immediately.
You don’t have a “pornography” problem, you have a sin problem.

5. Tell her she’s beautiful. Your wife should be your ultimate standard of beauty. In other words; if she’s a 5’7″ brunette with green eyes and weighs 150 pounds then this is your standard of beauty. No other women should ever compare or compete with her standard. If she dyes her hair red and gains/loses weight, this is your new standard. She’s it, end of story.

Bonus: Romance doesn’t just happen and it’s certainly not a mystery. Romance is purposeful and well planned for. If you’re not purposefully pursuing your wife romantically, you’re doing your marriage and your wife a complete injustice. Be her fantasy! Love her fiercely and pursue her with passion. Need inspiration? Read the Song of Songs and pray God gives you ideas, plans, and revelation on romancing your wife.

Jason Banks is a Worship Pastor in Ashland, KY. He earned some degrees, owns a business, and loves his beautiful wife and four children.
©2018 http://www.theoriginalbanksy.com

Drone Control

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Last week I watched as a US Senator took the “moral high ground” by championing “gun control.” This coming from someone who sits idly by while US Presidents wage war after war all over the world. By championing the use of drones and sending other people’s kids to die in said wars. The same senator, like his cohorts, also sits by while thousands of abortions are committed every year. (Still holding my breath for a Republican controlled government to ban abortion.)

Since 2001 there have been close to 250,000 CIVILIAN deaths in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. It’s estimated another 800,000 civilians have perished as an indirect result of the wars. Thousands of innocents have been killed by drones. And this is championed by congress. In spite of innocent families destroyed, two thousand year old churches demolished, homes and businesses flattened, and entire populations (even Christians… there are Christians in the Middle-East) displaced and even eradicated. All of this without protests, outrage, or a call for legislation.

Lets face it, the US is entrenched in culture of death. There have been over 60 million abortions in the US since 1973 and 1,442 Executions since 1976. Many of the latter have been found innocent with the utilization of DNA as evidence in older investigations. Again, no protests, just crickets chirping and the media pitting the two parties against each other.

You can blame video games for school shootings. You can blame guns. You can blame the NRA, TV, cinema, and parents. But the United States of America is drowning in a culture of death.

In light of the hundreds of thousands killed in perpetual war, a broken justice system, abortions, mass shootings, and the like…

I demand drone control.

I demand legislation control.

I demand Washington, DC be held accountable for the innocent blood on every politician’s hands.

 

“Worshiptainment”

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There’s a blog written in 2014 by Mike Livingstone making its rounds on social media again called, “The Heresy of Worshiptainment.”

It warns against lights, smoke machines, props, and performances among other things in modern worship services. He says, “The great heresy of the church today is that we think we’re in the entertainment business.”

I have been in full time ministry since 2008 as a youth pastor and quite frankly, anywhere I was needed.
In February of this year, our minister of music stepped down. Having a background in music ministry, I accepted the position of worship pastor.
I have incorporated lights, a smoke machine, multi-tracks, lyric videos, and “cool” music.
I have ideas from time to time that can be off the wall.
Thankfully my Pastor is forward thinking and at least considers some of the more “out of the box” ideas I have.
Once, he asked me the question, “What makes an idea a gimmick?”
After some thought, I concluded that it’s really the heart and motivation behind an idea that defines it.

In Mr. Livingstone’s piece he quotes David Platt.
“What if we take away the cool music and the cushioned chairs? What if the screens are gone and the stage is no longer decorated? What if the air conditioning is off and the comforts are removed? Would His Word still be enough for his people to come together?”

I’ll one up his question.
What if we take away the building, meet outside every Sunday morning at 5 a.m. in the rain or snow?
What if we sat on hay bales with no instruments only singing Psalms?
Livinstone goes so far as to say A.W. Tozer got it right in saying “Heresy of method may be as deadly as heresy of message.”
This type of thinking is backward, and quite frankly dangerous, for a myriad of reasons. One being it’s based on the assumption that their church is closer in structure to the first century church of Jesus’ time than ours today.

For whatever reason there’s a whole sect of Christianity that enjoys eating their own.
You know them.
They’re the “Oh my God you serve donuts and coffee in your foyer?” crowd.
They’re the “You go to that church where the Pastor dresses too trendy, his wife is too pretty, he preaches with an iPad, and uses The Message translation so it must not be inspired” bunch.
When will we ever get past this way of thinking in the church?
Unless your heart is the wrong place, God will absolutely show up with the lights, lyric videos, and “cool music.” Some of my closest friends are pastor’s and incorporate these things in their services. I know them personally, and I know they have a heart for God. As a matter of fact, they probably do more in a week for the Kingdom of God than most christians do in a year.
Click tracks, smoke machines, lights, and loud music don’t hinder the Holy Spirit…
People do.

Those pesky liberal judges.

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This essay was originally written in 2016 and revised September 27, 2018.

Everybody knows those pesky liberal judges are to blame for the legalization of abortion in the US right? Republicans will overlook a multitude of a candidate’s sins if they just promise they’ll nominate conservative judges.
So every election cycle Republicans nominate the same “moderate” Republican to run in the general election and we’re told we have to vote for him, for a multitude of reasons but mostly, to block those liberal judges from infiltrating the SCOTUS.
We’re told abortion will never be outlawed without a Republican to nominate good conservative judges.

I scroll through social media looking at the whole spectrum of political posts and I wonder why recent history is so easily forgotten.
With Roe v. Wade in 1973 the SCOTUS voted overwhelmingly to legalize abortion with a 7 to 2 vote. Of the seven who voted to legalize the slaughter of unborn children, five were appointed by Republican presidents.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Five of the seven votes to legalize abortion were from Republican appointed Justices.

Flash forward to 1993 for Planned Parenthood v. Casey.
There were eight Republican appointed Justices and one Democrat appointed Justice.  The court affirmed the basic ruling that the state is prohibited from banning most abortions. This was a case that most likely could’ve been the catalyst for overturning Roe v. Wade. But alas, another failure on behalf of conservative appointed judges.
Reagan/Bush appointed Justices O’Connor, Kennedy, and Souter formed a plurality upholding Roe v. Wade. 

It’s not just conservative appointed judges that are terrible on abortion. Maybe a good conservative President could do something the courts refuse to do? But flash forward again to George W. Bush’s administration. And be sure and remember the Republicans had all three branches of government long enough to implement whatever they wanted. Under the Bush administration Planned Parenthood received over $2 billion, maybe more, in funding. Under Bush federal funding for Planned Parenthood increased every year, slightly more than it did during the Clinton administration. In March 2018 despite a Republican majority in both houses, Trump signed the omnibus spending bill, which continued to fully fund Planned Parenthood to the tune of half a billion dollars. A dismal argument could be given that Planned Parenthood doesn’t spend federal money (your money) on abortion. In reality, every federal dollar given to them allows them to spend a non-federal dollar on abortion.

It makes you wonder what Republicans would run on if abortion was illegal? If you ignore the rhetoric and look at actual facts, the two parties are almost identical.
I’d be shocked if abortion is ever outlawed.
You can’t legislate morality.
Morality can only come from a heart change, and true heart change only comes from an encounter with Jesus Christ. We’re called to be ambassadors for Christ on this earth.
Not politicking activists placing our faith in a broken worldly system.

It’s amazing to me the Christian response of, “What do we do then? Just not vote and watch the country go to Hell? We have to do something.”
Two minutes on my knees in prayer can do more than an hour or more it takes you to go to vote.

You can blame the judges, politicians, or the system but true change will only come when our hearts are in the right place. Go ahead and vote. I won’t be condemning you for it but don’t be surprised in four years when we hear the same rhetoric and the same old tired arguments from both sides of the aisle.

Disposable Marriage

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Date nights… Date nights here at the Banks Ranch are very few and a million miles in between. But that’s the life of a “big” family. So when an opportunity presents itself, we go for it. A few weeks ago was one of those days. Thank God. Seriously, I LOVE date nights. I love being with my wife and spending time with her without interruptions. You parents know what I’m talking about. “Mom, hey mom, Dad, daddy, hey dad, DAAADDD!” You guys that don’t have kids and don’t date your wives; you’re idiots. And that’s my professional opinion.

Well, we ended up eating Hibachi with two of our closest friends and then off to the movies. I had no idea what to expect out of this movie because I hadn’t even seen the trailer, and had no clue who was even staring in it. Wow… Five minutes in and we were way out of our element!
It. Was. Raunchy.
I wish we would’ve left but we stuck it out.
I wanted to leave! (Don’t judge me. Get the plank out of your own eye and we can talk about the speck in mine!)
So there we were hunched down in our seats looking around hoping no one recognized us while looking at the floor for a good majority of the movie. Adding insult to injury the theater was absolutely packed. Ugh. I couldn’t help but look around and see what we’ve come to as a society. Don’t roll your eyes and think we’re killjoys or prudes.
We’re not.
And I’m not one of those Christians who believes playing heavy metal songs backwards reveals chants to Satan. But this movie unabashedly undermined the sanctity of marriage, celebrated infidelity, and made an absolute mockery of wedding vows AND parenting. This flick was putting out some seriously unbiblical messages concerning marriage and had a not-so-subtle anti-faith message.

The Bible says that faith comes by hearing the Word of God.

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ. Romans 10:17

If faith comes by hearing the word of God then the opposite must also be true. If we’re constantly bombarded with an anti-faith message it wears us down. Especially concerning marriage. It causes us to doubt God, to doubt our spouse, and it stirs up jealously. A line in the movie from the lead actress has stuck in my mind since. She was lamenting the fact she was married young and “missed all of her twenties.” She was justifying her desire for adultery because she’d missed the dating scene by being married at 20. So why’d this stick in my mind? Jill was 20 when we were married and so was Jill’s best friend. I’m looking around at the theater patrons while they’re cheering and rooting for the “other man” to prevail and win over this conflicted wife. And I’m thinking, “how many women in this theater wish they were sleeping with this young good looking Latino?” This is the attitude of marriage these days. When things are difficult it’s just easier to give up on your spouse and your marriage and move on to someone else.

I wish everyone would look at marriage, or any relationship for that matter, and ask where the problem is. Is the problem really the other person or is it with our self? I read a statistic saying fifty percent of first marriages and sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce. So maybe, just maybe, all the problems people think are their spouse’s fault are actually problems with themselves? Then they give up on their spouse and carry all those issues into their new marriages.

I’ll admit it… Jill and I missed a lot by being married young.
We missed opportunities for heartbreak.
We missed opportunities to compromise our purity.
We missed the heartache that comes when you’re being lead by your head and not Holy Spirit.
I think about all the wonderful things we would’ve missed had we not have gotten married young and it saddens me. We would’ve missed the opportunity to grow up together and know each other on a level of intimacy most people will never know because they just give up too soon. We were married five years before we had our first child and we learned a lot about life. Just like any relationship we’ve had our ups and downs and moments of despair but we’ve stuck it out because we choose to love each other and honor our vows. There were times the enemy came and yelled untrue things in our ear, but we chose to be different and beat the statistics.

Marriage wasn’t designed to be disposable. Marriage was designed by our creator God as a life long commitment to bring glory and honor to Him. Our job, as a married couple, is to point people to Christ and raise our children in a Godly home with two parents who deeply and very passionately love each other, extend and show grace, care for, and put each others needs ahead of their own.
I love my wife.
I’ll defend her and care for her until my last breath.
Husbands, set out to love your wife like Christ loves the church.
Wives, honor your husband.
When you truly love your spouse, your love doesn’t hinge on emotions.
It’s grounded in a fierce and exclusive devotion to the one you love.

Wonder Woman Wednesday

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This week’s Wonder Woman Wednesday is mother of four, wife to your’s truly, and the best educator to ever chalk up a black board – Jill Banks!

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Am I little biased? No, I’m a lot biased!! But that doesn’t make what I write any less true. I’m going to get in trouble for this blog post but I’m taking my chances. Almost every week Jill chooses someone special for Wonder Woman Wednesday on her blog so now it’s her turn!

Jill has been a constant source of joy in my life since the summer of 1995. Seriously, she even makes Monday’s worth waking up for. I love this woman with ever fiber of my being. People use the term soulmates to describe a lot of couples but look it up. In Webster’s you’ll see that Soulmates is defined as Jason and Jill Banks. She’s my first and last true love.

She’s accomplished so much in her life but never brags about it. Jill’s humbleness is pretty amazing. And she’s the hardest worker I know. Somehow she’s earned two Master’s Degrees and became Nationally Board Certified while raising babies AND being a Proverbs 31 wife. Every week she writes her blog that ministers to so many people and still manages everything else. She’s always been great at multitasking too. I remember her first job so well. She’d get up at 5 am and off she’d go. That didn’t change when she had Max (our oldest) either. Jill was a nursing mother. Which in this day and age is a huge feat in and of itself. She’d head out the door before dawn, hook her breast pump up to the cigarette lighter plug, and pump on her way to school. You really can’t make this stuff up. Fifteen years later and she hasn’t lost her passion for teaching or making her student’s lives better. There’s nowhere we can go where you don’t hear, “Hey Mrs. Banks!” And she remembers all of her students.

Her patiences is beyond mind numbing to me. She’s so patient and gentle with our kids. I’m ready to just give up and run head long into a brick wall and there’s Jill… Calm. Cool. Collected. If I can be half as good a dad as she is a mother, there’s a good chance our kids will grow up to be superheroes. And what about the kids in our youth group? She loves those kids unconditionally and thinks of them as her own. Truthfully, don’t ever hurt any of those kids because she will hurt you. (She’s and advanced green belt in Chun Kuk Do. She only quit because Mr. Clark was uncomfortable with her being so far along in her pregnancy with Reagan and still doing Karate!)

She runs our house so well. I’m not even kidding. There’s a chalkboard in the kitchen she fills out every week with our schedules. We’ve vowed to not let our children get so involved with everything that there’s no time for family. And Jill rocks it. Monday through Sunday is carefully planned and executed with precision. Did I mention she runs our small business? I get a lot of credit for the success of our business but she schedules and keeps track of everything. I’d be a mess without her!

Jill we all see how amazing you are. You’re beautiful inside and out and you’re a wonderful example for our children and our community! I’m not a great enough wordsmith describe how much I love you, how much you are loved by everyone in your life, and how amazing you are.

You are my Wonder Woman.

Love and Marriage.

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Jill and I have a wonderful love story together. The other day I went through a big bag of love notes she’d written me while we were dating. Yup, I kept ALL of them. Some were written while she was in class at Russell High School and some were written while she was away at Georgetown College. It was evident from the very beginning we have something special. As she so adorably put it in a note from September of 1995, we’re like peas and carrots!

I (barely!) graduated in ’95 and she graduated in the class of ’96. We knew each other through school but weren’t friends. I didn’t exactly sit at the cool kids table… I do remember crushing on her when she’d come in Ms. Thompson’s 6th period math class, my senior year, to pick up the attendance sheet but that’s as far as it went. Sometimes I’d say hi and she’d say hi back. It was the summer of ’95 that Steve Cremeans and I went to the Ashland Town Center to get the new Silver Chair CD when I ran in to Jill. She told me later how she debated whether or not to speak to us! Funny how one encounter can change the course of your history. I’ll admit I was instantly smitten with her. There was something about her that absolutely captivated me and we quickly became best friends. We fell in love fast and it’s evident from that priceless bag of notes.

Here a few things I’ve learned about love and marriage through the years.

For God’s Sake… Communicate!

Fast forward to December of ’98 when we were married. Seriously, I had no idea how to be a husband so I just faked it the best I could. Marriage is hard, ESPECIALLY at the beginning. We both had expectations that neither of us met and we struggled in a few areas, especially in communication. Really, it all came down to communication. She’d talk and somehow her words would go in my left ear and then magically escape through the right one. I had to learn the hard way that problems won’t just go away if you don’t think about them or just ignore them. Some of the problems we’ve struggled with throughout our marriage were even evident in a few of those love notes. I’ve had to learn how to listen and ponder words that are said. I’ve learned to not just formulate a comeback in my mind while she’s speaking. I’ve made it my purpose to actually listen while she’s talking. Then taking it to heart and responding- or not. Sometimes it’s better for me to just shut up!

Hold Yourselves Accountable.

Jill is my most loyal and valuable confidant. I tell her almost everything with complete confidence and without fear of condemnation. This isn’t something that just happens. You have to work on this and hash out all the details and perimeters before you ever begin spilling your guts. Although we’ve always had accountability to some extent in our relationship, it literally took us years to get to this place of trust and confidence. And we’re still working on it! We’ve learned to take practical steps. We have a written accountability contract that we very thoughtfully wrote out, prayed over, and then signed. We keep them in obvious places where we can be reminded of them often. Seem extreme? Maybe. But we battle a real enemy that comes to kill, steal, and destroy. And that’s exactly what he loves to do. Especially with marriages.

Your Wife Should Be Your Standard Of Beauty.

Never compare your spouse to anyone else. Period. End of story. You’re dishonoring them and God when you do. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. Everyone poops. (Unless you’re an android!) Everyone farts. Everyone wakes up with bed hair, stinky breath, and crust in their eyes. You’ll never be content in your marriage if you’re comparing your spouse to someone else.  You’ll never be right with God while your imagining having sex with another person, staring at a jogger, watching porn, flirting, or giving place to someone else above your spouse in your heart. Your heart has room for only two. Jesus Christ and your spouse. In that order. Jesus said if you even lust for another woman you’ve committed adultery in your heart. Matthew 5:28 (NIV) says:

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Wow! That’s not a boat I want to be on. When I think of beauty I think of my wife’s eyelashes and her gorgeous blue eyes. I think of her soft lips and how she unashamedly kisses me. I dream of her beautiful smile and thank God for her precious one of a kind personality. She’s beautiful inside and out. And God has given her to me.

Love and marriage isn’t for the weak. Love isn’t something you fall in and out of, and unfortunately real life isn’t like a romantic comedy. Love is a verb. Love is a decision. Love is practical. Love serves.

1 Corinthians 13 4-7 (NIV) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Don’t get me wrong, my heart still flutters when I see Jill, and I still get a little giddy when she kisses me and what not. (More what than not!) Because she’s my fantasy. No other woman fills my thoughts or my dreams. She has my whole heart. We’re leaving a legacy and we’re in it to win it! I look forward to our kids and grandkids reading those notes one day and seeing a legacy of true love and God’s grace in ole Maw and Pa.